you need a yardstick to measure your spoiler.

you've ever used a blue magic marker to color your headlight bulbs.

you recorded a neighbor's corvette revving, and you play the tape full blast at redlights.

You have a friend stick his head out the wondow and go "phew! phew!" to convince people you have a blow-off valve.

weedeaters chase you down trying to mate with your car.

you think red and yellow match.

you have japanese stickers on your VW/neon/cavalier,etc.

you think timeslips are what you get when you clock out at mcdonald's.

neighborhood strays sleep in your exhaust tips.

The Mexican border guards find a family of immigrants in your exhaust tip.

your air filter drags the ground

you have a kia with numbers shoe-polished on the windows.

you have no hood on your car.

you could only afford a half pint of "chameleon" paint, so you just had the hood sprayed.

you have stick on hood pins.

you have stick on anything.

you have primered ground effects and a painted car.

you have 2 or more shades of primer on your car.

you try to race in bumper to bumper traffic.

you come to the track with a carbon fiber hood, lightweight alloy wheels, no bumpers, only a plastic driver's seat, but a 300 pound speaker box in the hatchback.

You go to the park, old people sit on your spoiler and feed pigeons.

you have a zigzag antenna.