Duck_Fat 
Fear The Duck
Member # 179
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1. The emissions test guy starts laughing as soon as you pull onto the rollers.
2. You can"t drive your car in the rain.
3. Your "significant other" is afraid to drive your car.
4. You are afraid to drive your car.
5. You spend more on tires than on food.
6. You spend more on car insurance than on house payments.
7. You look in a state police car and see a picture of your car taped to the dash.
8. You throw your underwear in the garbage rather than the hamper.
9. You have to go to the track to buy gas.
10. Your mechanic names the new wing of his shop after you.
11. Jacques Villeneuve and Michael Schumacher wave you by.
12. You can make the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs.
13. You"re tempted to wear your fire suit just to drive to the office.
14. Red signal lights shift to green as you"re approaching then shift back to red as you"re receding.
15. You arrive somewhere before you left.
16. You get pulled over for doing 155 in a 35 but the cops will let you go if "they can look under the hood."
17. You remove the $2000 stereo system to save 6 lb. of weight.
18. You are not allowed to run in the Silver State Challenge.
19. You get an anonymous phone call asking if you are interested in being in the Cannonball Run.
20. Your face looks like you are riding a NASA centrifuge when you drive the car.
22. You need parachute braking.
23. "significant other" won"t even ride in the car.
24 There is no possible way to "sneak out" of your neighborhood at 6 am.
25. Your pets scramble for their hiding spots as soon as the garage door is opened.
26. Family photos throughout the house are replaced with life-sized posters of your car.
27. Fuel is delivered to your home: in 55 gallon drums!
28. You carry earplugs in your car.
29. The only spot on the car which receives any regular cleaning is the windshield.
30. You find out that side mirrors don"t hold up at speeds exceeding 145 mph
31. Young children cling to their mommies in fear when you round the corner.
32. Birds fall out of their nests from the rumble of your 5" dual exhaust
33. All the major Tire makers are sending you free slicks in hopes of endorsement deal.
34. The UPS guy took to taking Steroids so he could keep up with your shipments
35. The Fed Ex guy had a nervous breakdown
36. All the wildlife within a 800ft radius around your house got the HELLOUT.
37. The nearest Geological Seismic Surveying Station Operator knows your address by heart.
38. A booming voice greets potential passengers with, "That"s right....you paid for the whole seat but you"ll only need the EDGE
39. The earth slows in rotation when you hook up on your new slicks and head east now
40. You have to screw your slicks to the wheels
41. Your exhaust pipes are larger in diameter than your driveline
42. Your fuel pump flows enough to water a golf course
43. Your compression"s high enough you could run diesel fuel
44. The sparks from your wheelie bars start grass fires on the side of the road
45. Your engine idles at 2800 rpm
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"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours."
-Stephen Roberts
"Relationships are so easy thanks to the internet.. you can establish and destroy them at the touch of a few keys! It all starts with 3 letters, asl and ends with stfu!"
"sir you're drunk"
"Madame, youre ugly, tomorrow i will be sober and you will remain ugly"
-Winston Churchill and the Duchess of York
Posts: 3501 (0.54 per day) | From: maui, hawaii | Registered: Aug 2001 (6410 days)
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